Dredging up the past and trying to make sense of it is usually a waste of time and destructive to the motivation and sense of purpose in life. As introspective as I get, I have to deal with it and resolve it. Until that is done and normalcy is restored, I can be frustrated, bitter and fatalistic. None of those things are functional. I don’t like that “dead in the water” feeling, as though I were just taking up space until the undertaker shows up. The only rational, common sense thing to do is apply the principles of “The Three Areas of Relationship” to sort it all out, drive a stake in the heart of the past, and keep it buried for good. I know that I’ll sleep better at night.
It is very important for anyone’s emotional well-being that they give up on trying to undo the past. No experience involves just one individual. I should take my own advice to heart. Let it go. Admit that it’s gone. It didn’t work and it’s broken. It’s been and gone, dead and went. Forget it.
What brought this update to the surface was a feeling that I couldn’t shake for more than a week. It was the feeling that there was nothing left for me to do in life. The only significant event in my life that I could see was my funeral. I felt that I had written everything there was for me to write. People around the world have told me that I changed their lives. Some of them go back to the same old things they did before they met me. Apparently, they didn’t pay any attention to what I wrote, past the moment. For me, that is a demoralizing and depressing outcome. I have better things to do.
This brings me to the downhill slide that is my personal introspective. I don’t stay caged up in frustration for very long. At some point, the body text of the answer will coalesce and write itself. It’s taken a week, but the moment that was just out of my sight is here. I’ll be as interested to read this as anyone else. I may learn something.
The first misstep in my thinking was that all the things that were supposed to be good in my life, never were. Everything got lost or destroyed, personal relationships flamed out and died. Having an ingrained aversion to the disappointment of the “crash and burn”, I haven’t allowed the opportunity or the vulnerability to even think about relationships. At best, I can only know the things that I don’t want. With that background, I’ll examine what happens, and why.
My background in this goes back to 1982. I al;most froze to death on a bitterly cold winter night in upstate NY. Ever since then, there has been a moment of panic, every time I wake up. A million thoughts race through my mind. In that instant, I feel threatened. The questions pile up, tripping over each other. Why am I still alive? Why didn’t I just die in my sleep? What am I supposed to do? I dread having to face another day. If I couldn’t resolve this conflict in the past, I wouldn’t have lived through the intervening time between that night and the present day. Fortunately, “The Three Areas of Relationship” dismantles this emotional garbage disposal and lays the parts out for inspection. Now, I can judge the situation from a detached and practical viewpoint.
I observe that my personal relationships were doomed to failure because they became ensnared in a commercial context. When the business of a relationship fails, the personal connection dies. For almost a decade now, I avoid starting a business with a woman like I would avoid Bubonic Plague. In the world of Commerce, every encounter and experience is combat. A legal trust can be “killed”, without anyone standing trial for murder. In the commercial context of the United States vision of society, the commercial construct of an individual is raped and pillaged as standard procedure. There is nothing personal about it. It’s only business.
. How do we keep the Personal and Commercial areas separate? The simple answer is “Render unto Caesar, the things that are Caesar’s”. It’s harder than it looks. It demands more resolve and commitment. The intensity level has to be higher than most people have the stomach for. Commerce is war. Battlefield diplomats end up captured or killed. We can start this process, but can we finish it? Ram Caesar’s fraud and corruption up Caesar’s nose, and pound it home with a sledgehammer. Just keep up the fight until there is nothing that Caesar can lay a proprietary claim on. That’s what it takes to win. I understand that, for me to be the living, flesh and blood human being that God created me to be, that parasitic commercial identity must “die”. The price of losing is loss of Integrity. Of course, most people don’t feel the loss of their Integrity. They weren’t using it, anyway. It is when commercial conditions turn against people that they lament the error of their ways. That’s when people are faced with the consequences of trading thei4r birthright for a bowl of lentil soup.